In the spirit and tradition of the season-- and in tune with our culture's online communication phenomenon--- I will now attempt to sum up 2009 using each month's first Facebook status. This should be interesting.
~January~
"Meghan Knittel got her sister hooked on tv-crack, AKA Lost"
Why, yes she did, all in one week during Christmas break. In fact, every new Lost episode from this status forward was viewed along with her sister through the invention that is iChat. Keep in mind, sister was only mildly interested to begin with. Meg manipulated. Meg proselytized. Meg won.
~February~
"Meghan Knittel is excited to read her new books"
Wait, she received new books? Which books were these? Apparently she read these books she was so excited about only to have her memory promptly obliviated- or, she didn't read them at all. Maybe the new books were forgotten as soon as the fated status was entered. Mysterious.
~March~
"Meghan Knittel had way too much fun making babies online"
Since she and he were having difficulty with this task in real life, Meg resorted to creating cyber-morphed hatchlings derived from the couple's front-facing photographs. After hours of silly fun, the proposed kids still didn't look right. Maybe there's a reason procreation isn't their strong suit. If several hours made a misshapen monster, imagine what 15 minutes of passion might do in real life??!
~April~
"Chocolate shakes make the tum feel better"
Ah, yes, one of the first Metformin nausea episodes. 'Tis true that thick icy chocolate counters the impulse to hurl- especially when it is the faux variety from McDonald's.
~May~
"must. stay. awake."
It would have behooved her to go to bed rather than punctuate like that.
~June~
"Meghan Knittel is installing the newest version of her enduring vice! Sims 3 is in stores NOW, people!"
...and it still is for those of you who did not get the message six months ago.
~July~
"Meghan Knittel wishes her fat cat was a dog so she can him to Petsmart for a sniff-everything fest. Howard would love that."
Howard would also love 39 meals a day and drinking tuna juice from the faucet, but neither are going to happen any time soon.
~August~
"Meghan Knittel is getting stuff in line for school and scheduling eye appointments for us both!"
The ensuing appointment was the first to occur in five years of wedded life {sad}. Her glasses retired after six years of faithful and partially inadequate service. On the bright side, the new lenses arrived in time for a fresh semester of eye straining.
~September~
"Meghan Knittel is soooooooo thirsty."
Fluid deprivation pre-cholecystectomy is about as enjoyable as eating sand and peanut butter, then washing it down with the Pacific.
~October~
"By this time tomorrow, I'll be hanging out with E and S, and in theory, have all my homework done"
The weekend commencement of their collective maturation involved excessive Sarah Silverman, donning a Husker corn head publicly, and opting for pizza after M, E, and St declared sushi "alright" (AKA: GROSS).
~November~
"Meghan Knittel just read a text out loud that she shouldn't have. I feel so bad for 'that old lady.' It's all Elia's fault!"
Things learned: 1) Don't read text messages out loud in mixed company 2) If you do, adamantly blame it on the sender and make her feel as guilty as possible 3) "That old lady" actually has a name, wow!
~December~
"Happy Birthday, Grandma"
Five kids, ten grandkids, and five great-grandkids later, she is 76. Grandma's awaiting knee surgery, but she's still as feisty as ever!
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