It seems anytime there is conversation about a child under 2, two questions are asked about the child without. fail.
How is s/he eating?
How is s/he sleeping?
What I tell most people about Annelise is my short answer:
Great. She is doing both without issue, and according to what is appropriate for her age and level of development. She is thriving, both in growth and development.
I say any more than that and I risk treading the tumultuous waters of mommy-war-dom. Afterall... should it really matter to others HOW we do things? All that needs to be said is she's healthy. So I generally detest these questions, but do answer them simply and dutifully.
But I do want to take this opportunity while Annelise is sound asleep
(in my arms, as I simultaneously type two-handed [it's an learned artform])
to REALLY answer these questions for once (and for all?), and to share a few of my own thoughts (probably more than you want to know).
Because, why not? I like to write and I like to record what going on for my own use; but most of all, I like to voice my own perspectives in my own space and maybe shed some light on where we're coming from for those 1 or 2 people who were remotely curious.
So how is she sleeping?
On her side or back in our bed at night (yes, we bedshare [safely... {
see Dr. McKenna's research}]), and in our arms for naps. At night she sleeps up to 5 hours at a time, mostly 2-3 hours. She nurses for 5-10 minutes and goes right back to sleep. With her nursing sessions, she sleeps from 11pm/1am- 10am/noon.
During the day, she'll nap in my arms for 1-3 hours.
We have not used our co-sleeper or crib yet. They are both up and ready to go if/when she needs them. In her early days, we tried laying her in the cosleeper, but she'd be out only 20 minutes, 45 minutes tops. Not good quality sleep. So we tried putting her in bed with me, and it was pure magic! From that point on, she slept with us, where ever "we" were. If she is put down, she wakes. Sleeping in the swing is touch and go. Most of the time she'd rather not be in it. Sometimes she'll tolerate it long enough to catch a few zzzz's, but rarely a full refreshing nap.
Our sleeping arrangements are working beautifully for us. Bedsharing at night is giving wonderful sleep to all, and cuddle-sleeping during the day is giving me bonding time and her, quality sleep time. She doesn't sleep through the night... no.... but I have no expectations that she will or "should" at any point in the future. Her needs don't stop through the night time, just like ours don't (how many times have you woken up your spouse because you needed cuddle time or to talk? or you got out of bed to relieve your bladder or grab a bite to eat? Maybe laid awake thinking?)
Yes, my arms are often tied up with my sleeping beauty resting peacefully in them, but I remind myself it won't always be this way...
We do try to employ slings/wraps whenever possible so I can lessen the pile of laundry in our bedroom and prepare meals; but the ones we have right now don't suit her personality well. She likes to observe the world around her, not be restricted by binding cloth. So, as with the swing... they're touch and go. We're waiting on an Ergo that should be arriving by mail Tuesday... hopefully we all fall in love! I am not comfortable with "sleep training", "cry-it-out", or really any methods insistent on conforming our daughter's habits to meet our expectations or convenience. We do hold her practically 23 hours a day, and we don't believe we are doing her any harm--- only LOTS of good. We pick her up and soothe her when she cries. We don't ignore her fussing. We believe her limited vocalizations are her attempts to communicate with us. Therefore, we act. We communicate back. We respond.
Ok, enough with the long-winded explanation about her sleep. Do I dare ask how she is eating?
Glad you asked :) Annelise is exclusively breastfed. I feed her whenever she wants, for any reason, wherever we are, whatever we're doing (unless she's buckled in her carseat. I'm not experienced enough to dairy cow her in a moving vehicle). Right now, that is about every 30 minutes-3 hours during the day for 10-15 minutes at a time, and every 2-5 hours at night for 5-10 minutes at a time. When she's tired/fussy/ill, it is more often. Thankfully (very very very thankfully!), it is going extremely well with few bumps along the way. We both love it and she is growing beautifully (at her 2 month checkup--- 12# 8 oz!)
The earliest days of nursing were extremely challenging. The first 3 nights, a bottle full of formula kept popping into my mind as I attempted to get her to latch on for literally hours each night. Lots of tears and stress ensued. She rapidly lost weight (lowest: 6# 3 oz). Once we got home, everything "clicked". By her fifth day, Annelise surpassed her birthweight and was at 7# 6 oz. From then on, it worked. We still dealt with improper latch issues and the resulting sore nipples, but we worked through it with time. We coasted through a few clogged ducts and mastitis with little disruption. I've really grown to love, cherish, and look forward to our nursing sessions.
We introduced the pacifier at 2.5 weeks, once we got the hang of nursing and my milk supply was established. Reluctant to have anything in her mouth other than skin, she at first didn't know what to do with it; but very quickly, she grasped the concept and enjoyed her "Paci" everywhere that nursing for comfort wasn't possible (the moving car, while her doctor looked her over). Gradually, Paci became more and more involved our daily activities--- something that I'm not completely cheerful about. Frankly, I'm jealous of that piece of silicone!!----But I am living with it because it is her choice form of comfort. Yes, Annelise prefers Paci for comfort, and nursing just for food *sigh* boy do I relish those rare occasions she lets me comfort nurse her :)
I do not believe a child should be weaned when they hit a certain age or a certain milestone; therefore, I will nurse Annelise for as long as she wants. Children will self-wean, just usually not on their parents' time-schedule :-). I would really like to carry her over through age 2 (both the WHO and AAP recommend this and there are sooo many benefits), but we'll see how it goes. This isn't a popular route in our culture, but I honestly believe this is healthiest. We will introduce solids to Annelise sometime after she turns 6 months, depending on when she shows signs of readiness. We like the concept of "
baby-led weaning" (that is, letting the child feed themselves actual table food, rather than spoon-feeding purees). We will not do baby cereal, for health reasons.
*So this is us right now. (Just want to emphasize US) While prior to parenting I had basic ideas and research in place, we generally do what works for our girl--- what gives her the best possible sleep, the best possible nutrition. Maybe these will change in the near future. Maybe not. Maybe our next child will have very different needs. What I've learned thus far is that you have to be flexible and responsive to the needs of your child, which means sometimes employing means you wouldn't otherwise consider (bedsharing certainly wasn't our intention!). Certainly, if your child gets his or her best sleep in their room in their crib--- then that's where he or she should be. Likewise with feeding. While breastmilk has unsurpassable benefits, little lives have been saved by infant formula when breastmilk was not available. Different strokes for different folks. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa.
